I Love You More Than Anything
by the homo club
Summary: Phil notices something off about Dan, and when he finds out what that 'something' is, their relationship will change forever. Just a romance story between Dan Howell (DanIsNotOnFire) and Phil Lester (AmazingPhil). I'll be writing every other day or more. (It says drama but that's just because of Dan. Trigger warning for depression!)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: creative title i knoooow**

* * *

Sometimes I worry about Dan.

Of course, it's normal to worry about the person you care for.

But I worry about him a lot. He spends a lot of time locked up in his room, trying to improve his piano playing. He says that it sounds like rubbish compared to other pianists, but I really like his music!

And I'm not just saying that because I fancy him. And yes, I do fancy him. My feelings started being more and more noticeable to me after we got done with season 1 of TheSuperAmazingProject. It started off as just a curiosity to know more about him, then it grew into a crush, and now I've plain fallen for the man.

Once, I remember listening to him answer some questions to fans through a livestream. I only caught a bit of his sentence: "..I _hate _everything about myself; Just ask somebody who knows me," I was shocked that he would think that about himself, and it made me love him more.

No no no, I did _not _just use the 'L' word. I just fancy him. It's not love yet.

The keyword here is: _Yet._

* * *

As I wake up, I stretch out onto my bed. I can see that the sun is just starting to rise, and I can hear something from Dan's room. It's a soft, muffled and faint sound, but it's there:

I can hear Dan crying.

I jump out of my bed, throw on a pair of pants (which happen to be laser kitty patterned) and put my glasses on.

I walk down the short hall that divides Dan and I's rooms. I can hear the faint crying of Dan in his room. It's soft, so it means that he doesn't want to be found out. He's just crying because he can't stop, and it plain breaks my heart. I raise my hand and gently knock on his door. "..Dan?" I ask, sounding as gentle as I can. "G-Go away." He stutters. I can hear the shifting noise of his feet, and I can tell he's walking to the door to lock it.

Before he can, I take my hand on the handle and open the door gently. What I see before me breaks my heart. "Dan..." His face his littered with marks of tears, and some fresh ones are running down his cheeks. His normally straight hair is not curly and hobbit-like. His eyes say that he's scared.

When I look him over, I'm glad to say that he's not been _physically _harming himself. I realize he's shaking, and I pull him into a hug with little effort. "Oh Dan, what's happened?" I ask gently, wanting to keep my voice down; I felt like if I raised it at all, he would shatter. "N-Nothing, Phil...I'm o-okay." He says.

"Then why are you crying? Did something happen online?" I ask him, rubbing small circles into the small of his back. He makes a slight gasping noise that happens when you cry too much. "...N-Nothing happened online..I'm fine, it's nothing.." I pull away from him. "Dan." I say, slightly in a stern voice. "I'm your best mate, don't lie to me."

He looks down at his feet, and I want to cry too as he starts to cry slightly heavier. "...I-it's just that I-I disappoint my fans when-n I don't t-t-tell them...About what's goin-ng on in my l-life...I j-just feel bad that-that I can't make them happy..." He's so quiet, that I almost don't hear him saying: "..I hate myself so much." under his breath.

My heart shatters and falls down into a pit in my stomach. I pull Dan into a big, long hug and let him cry onto my shoulder. "Shh, Shh...It's okay, Dan.." I start to rub circles into his back again. "I'm sure you don't disappoint them, Dan, I think they just get happier because they know the next thing coming is going to be great.."

I sit onto Dan's bed, still hugging him. He climbs into my lap with his head still resting in the crook of my neck, and my heart skips several beats. He mumbles, "I'm so, so sorry for acting like this, Phil.." I can't help but chuckle. "I don't mind, Dan. The only think you need to be sorry for is not telling me sooner." I say, resting my head onto his shoulder. "...But, Dan, I need you to tell me the _whole _truth."

It takes him about five minutes until he responds, but I have enough patience. "...I..I just think that...that people hate me...I'm sorry.."

Now I want to cry. "Shh, Shh...N-No one hates you..Don't be sorry, please, because it's all okay.." I hug him tighter and close my eyes. I've only been awake for 30 minutes and I'm already tiered. Pushing my sleepiness aside, I notice that his sobbing has gone down to a drip on my shoulder every now and again. "Are you better?" I ask. "...Yeah..I-I'm okay now- thank you, Phil."

I suppose he realizes that he's sitting in my lap, and he quickly roles off of me. "Come on, I'll make us some breakfast." Before I know what I'm doing, I wipe the left-over tears from his face and smile. He smiles slightly; it was small-small enough so that his dimples don't show. "Okay."

He looks so innocent, so fragile, with dried tears staining his face. His eyes are a lighter shade of brown in the early morning light, the tips of his hair seeming to glow in the same light. He looks so beautiful that I...

_Smooch!_

Before I know what I'm doing, I feel something warm and soft against my lips.

_I did __**not **__just kiss Dan Howell._

But the gentle, unsure and moving pressure of Dan's lips tells my mind otherwise.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm caught off by the kiss. Sure, I was the one who started it, but Dan's kissing back. He's _actually _kissing me back!

The only thing that makes sense to do is to sit down in front of him, because standing like this is very uncomfortable. Once I sit myself down, I feel Dan's long, slender arms wrap around my neck. I return the favor by wrapping my arms around his waist; I can feel him smiling.

I almost want to laugh. By choosing to take the girls' position in our kiss, he practically just declared himself the bottom-

_No. Bad Phil, just focus on the kiss._

Right. I split my lips open slightly, slowly letting my tongue slide over his bottom lip. He hums into the kiss slightly and opens his mouth, letting my tongue slip in. We start the fight for dominance. To my surprise, Dan wins the battle and I allow him to explore my mouth. Only now do I peak my eyes open; just a tad.

Dan's blush is firetruck red. He's so cute.

After a minute or so, the need to breathe becomes too strong and we pull away. We're both breathing heavily, and we're moth firetruck red. Dan untangles himself from me and flops down onto the bed. "Sleepy already?" I ask, laying beside him with a chuckle. "'Already'?"

"Hm?" I hum, looking over to him. "What do you mean?"

"You said 'already'. That means that you have something planned, yeah?" He says with a smirk.

I only flush brighter, and I get flustered. "Oh, I-I uh...I didn't m-mean that-" He chuckles and turns to his side to face me. "You're cute when you're flustered."

* * *

After snuggling for a bit (and re-re-re-re-re-watching Kill Bill), I get up to make us some breakfast. I hear Dan humming to himself on his laptop from the kitchen, and I smile. It's the little things that he does that makes him so cute!

After putting our breakfast on plates, I set them down on the coffee table near Dan. I take a seat by him and smile, my own plate in hand. With a short "Thanks, Phil. It looks great.", Dan starts eating his eggs, followed by his bacon.

Once we were both done eating, Dan sits there fumbling on his laptop. After a long, comfortable silence, Dan speaks up, "Hey, Phil?" Dan asks quietly. "Since you uh...Since you k-kissed me, and I kissed you back...Does this make us a..A couple?" Dan is another shade of red now.

I almost want to laugh at how unsure his words are, when I could only imagine him saying it with so much more confidence.

"Only if you want us to be," I speak quietly. "I mean, I'd like us to be...You know.." I don't manage to get the last bit out.

"No, I don't know." Dan says. Curse his stubborn self!

"I'd like us to be..._Boyfriends, _if that's alright." I say, sounding smaller then I wanted to. I look shyly up at Dan, who's smiling like an idiot. "Of course that's alright." He leans in and kisses my gently on the lips.

The kiss sends shivers down my spine. It's so much lighter then the first one, and it feels much less rushed, like it has more passion in it.

No matter how many times we pull our lips apart, they end up back together, my legs tangled in his.

And no matter how many times we kiss, the feeling only ever gets better.

* * *

**A/N: omg its so short im sorry**

**can i just write more later will that make you all happy**


	3. Chapter 3

I'm surprised by how overwhelmingly happy I am by our new found relationship. I'm so content with my head resting on his lap with his hand running through my hair, Kill Bill still running on the tele.

I turn on my back to look up at Dan. He's so, so perfect. But I do know that he doesn't think so. Not completely.

I'm still slightly confused by this morning. What'd he say again? Right. He thought that everyone hates him. That's such crap- no one hates Dan. Even the people who do, it's just a bad fan here and there, nothing really too serious. I consider asking him about this morning, but I leave it alone.

_If Dan wants to talk about it, he'll tell me._

Dan looks down at me and smiles. His smile is big enough so I can see his adorable dimples. "Hey. We should go get lunch." Dan says. I laugh, covering my mouth. "But we only just ate, like, two hours ago!" I protest, but I really don't care if we eat now or not. "What would you even want to eat?" It only takes a moment for Dan to smirk and chuckle out a reply.

"Your mum!"

"Hey!" I sit up and punch him in the arm, laughing. "_Actually _shut up!"

He laughs one more time before pulling me into a long, light kiss. We're both smiling through most of it, and it makes me want to ta"ckle him. In hugs, of course. Nothing dirty.

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to his chest. I push toward him and we topple over, so I'm laying on top of Dan. "I'm tiered of Kill Bill. Let's watch a horror movie," I suggest, snuggling into his chest. "you know I like those."

He agrees and gets up from under me, ignoring my protests for him to stay. When he returns, he has all three Scream movies in his hand, two cans of soda in the other, and a bowl of popcorn balancing on his arm. I laugh at him lightly as I stand up to help him out. "You could have called me in, I would have helped you carry stuff." Dan places the movies on the coffee table along with the sodas. I also place the popcorn onto the table.

He sneaks a kiss from me, pecking my cheek quickly. "But having you carry the stuff would mean you would get up from the couch." He says sweetly. "D'awww, you sweet heart." I chime, pulling him in for a quick kiss. I pull away from his quickly, smiling. "I'll be right back." I leave to go get a blanket as he closes the blinds and curtains so it can be dark.

* * *

Once I get the blanket and sit next to Dan, he pulls be onto his lap and we again topple over. I'm laying on him again, and his hand still roams about my hair. Occasionally, his fingers will brush up against my ear. It's very distracting when he does that, but I really don't mind it at all. If anything, I like it.

I take a moment to let this all in. I'm laying on top of Dan, our chests pressed together. My left hand is pressed to his chest and my right is placed gently into his left. His right hand ruffles through my black hair, making it spike up going every-which-way. Both of Dan's legs are tangled in mine comfortably, and we fit together like two perfect puzzle pieces.

Dan jumps every once and awhile at the frightening parts, but it wouldn't be noticeable if I wasn't as close as I am. I realize that I haven't been paying close attention to the movie, but I'm still enjoying myself a lot. I snuggle into him more.

After the first movie, I tell Dan not to get up to put the next one in. "Why not?" He asks, his hand again running his hand through my straight hair. "You scared, Phil?"

"No! I've seen that movie plenty of times; I just don't want you to move. I'm happy right here." He smiles down at me and leans down for a kiss.

Now, you can't blame us for kissing and cuddling. Sure, we'll still do that later in our relationship, but right now it's the ooey-gooey, love-you-more-then-anything phase. And it's true; I do love Dan more then anything, but that feeling is just the only thing I can feel right now.

In the middle of our slow, sweet kiss, a lightning bolt and the loud sound of thunder racks through the flat, making Dan jump and pull apart. "Sorry!" He apologizes.

I laugh. "What for? Did you make the thunder happen?" I ask sarcastically.

"Hm." He hums to let me know he heard me, but he didn't respond. He had a light smile on his face, and his hair was ruffled and tossed around carelessly.

A knock at the door interrupts my thoughts. Dan offers to get up, but I refuse. "I'll get it."

When I pry myself away from Dan's warmth, I find that I forgot to turn the heat on. Whoops.

When I answer the door, it's probably the last person I would have wanted to show up at this time.

_Alex. _

"Hey Phil! I guess you- Dude!" He laughs. I have no idea what's so funny, but knowing him, it's probably dirty. "You have sex hair!" I turn bright red. "I do not!"

"You do though! And there's more evidence then that!" He claims, his face flushing lightly pink because of his suppressed laughter.

"What 'evidence'?" I ask, trying to keep my face from turning redder. I fail at that one.

Almost on que, Dan comes around the corner with his hand running through his hair. "Hey Alex. What are you doing here?" He asks. He doesn't see how red I am, apparently.

"See! He has sex hair too!" Alex laughs, inviting himself in. "And the room you came from is all dark? Yup. I'm 99.9% sure you guys had sex."

Dan comes up from behind me, stepping in front of me, seeing how embarrassed I am. "Alex. We didn't have. Sex." He says, flopping onto the couch. "Why are you here anyways?"

"We planned to shoot a video. Guess you were a bit busy, yeah?" Alex asks, sounded just as suggestive as he did before.

"N-No! Not like that!" I sigh and give up on making him believe us.

"Whatever. We'll clean up all of the dishes over here and we'll shoot the video, okay?" Dan asks. "Okay." We all agree.


End file.
